getting booked Mad Libs

Every comedian is trying to get booked these days, so it’s hard for us to stand out in the crowd. Getting booked is tough. But, if you just think a little differently, you can really capitalize on your colleagues’ lack of creativity and get yourself on more shows. Just fill out this sheet and stick it inside the notebooks of all your favorite comedy show producers and watch as the bookings start to roll in!

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a made up story about the time Bill Burr said i was an inspiration and then did completely consensual submissive mouth sex to me – Alex Ptak

People are going to say this story isn’t true, only because it is fake. They are going to say “Alex is just trying to be funny” or “Alex has a tumor in his brain that makes him lie to the public.” When you get right down to it, why can’t we both be right? Cannot a lie be the most true? Would that be crazy?

Yes.

Anyway, here is a fabrication where a comedy legend tells me I am great and then puts his damp mouth-barn around my squealing flesh-hog.
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how to network in comedy from a real pro – Alex Ptak

Illustration by Rachel Lenihan

Alex Ptak is a top talent man for KRB Talent Empire. He has done many big deals with top comedy talents like Geraldo Rivera and the Rivera Family Band. He is also currently represented by ACA as a Networking Star.

Before leaving to work as talent man at KRB, Alex worked on a steam boat where he quickly rose to the top by networking. After many years of hard work on the poop deck, Alex became a famous stand up comedian in only 3 weeks. He is now ready to pass his show business lessons on to you.

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what the 10,000 hours rule really means: taking lessons in stand up comedy from a nerdy Swedish guy instead of Malcolm Gladwell

My roommate Matt, like me, is a stand up comic. So, when one of us decides to take a night off, the other always tries to inspire some action: “Why don’t we go out and do some open mics?! You need to write more!” Matt always boils it down to: “You’ve gotta get your 10,000 hours, man!” I’ve probably heard Matt say that phrase 10,000 times. He’s really good at it. 

I was listening to a rebroadcast of a Freakonomics Radio episode called “How To Be Great At Just About Anything,” when the guy who came up with the 10,000 hour rule started explaining what it’s all about. And it got me thinking. What does 10,000 hours really mean? In the stand up community, the idea of “10,000 hours” is thrown around like crazy, but does anybody ACTUALLY know what it means? Yeah, 10,000 hours is a number.. .but do you magically become Louis C.K. after you’ve been on stage for that much time? Does it only matter how much time you’re on stage, or does writing count, too? Are you meant to keep track of how many hours you’re doing? Or is it just a big number to use for inspiration? Is it even physically possible?

When we boil it all down, “10,000 hours” really amounts to a buzz word that’s lost a lot of it’s meaning. So this is an attempt to get some real, concrete answers about what it means to get your 10,000 hours in comedy. Starting here:

You ask anybody who came up with the 10,000 hours rule and they’ll say “Malcolm Gladwell.” But they’re dead wrong. Which is why I’d rather take a lesson in stand up comedy from a nerdy Swedish guy named Anders Ericsson. Wait.. .who?

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the 13.5 best “best of 2016” comedy lists of 2016

There are A LOT of “best of 2016” comedy lists out there – dozens and dozens of them. And with that many, how do you know who to trust? The “best” comedy books, the “best” comedy specials, the “best” podcasts.. .how are you supposed to figure out what’s really important: which lists are really the best “best of 2016” lists?

That’s why I’ve combed through all the 2016 comedy lists to name the top 13.5 best “best of 2016” comedy lists of 2016. This way you’ll know which lists are the most skillfully compiled, cleverest, and most worth your time. I’m not gonna lie: there was some tough competition out there this year. Only a select few made the cut, but what’s here is the cream of the crop. When it comes to comedy, this list is (quite literally) the best of the best!

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what i learned from performing stand up in an amphitheater for six Bolivian people – Michael Karlik

I was about one year into doing stand-up comedy. Naturally, I thought I was doing well (I wasn’t). Naturally, I thought I should be on more shows (I shouldn’t have been).

So when the Craigslist post said “Performers wanted: all types,” I responded immediately.

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why puns are NOT funny, have NO place in comedy, and are generally PUNderwhelming

Like any good citizen of the world, I absolutely HATE puns. They’re the worst! Puns are polar-izing; some people love them, but others can’t bear them. I must admit, sometimes puns are written so beautifully that they are awe-ful. But, when it comes down to it, puns are deplorable and everyone should think so. The only people who like them are old wheelchair-bound vegetables; when it comes to puns, no one else will carrot all. Please humor me and just stop telling those puns!

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the REAL secret to stand up comedy? there ain’t none! except for handshakes – Tim Unkenholz

Comedy truly goes hand in hand with handshakes. What is laughter, really, but an audience shaking hands with the comedian, with their mouths? Here we’ll talk about the most important part of any stand up comedy scene — the ritualistic devotion to grabbing each other’s hands as a sign of respect. It’s why stand up comedy is often called a “hand job.”

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this is why Louis C.K. HATES clickbait

I mean, I’m guessing it’s pretty much the same reason why everybody hates clickbait?

There’s no content or anything with clickbait. It’s just to get clicks. Nobody likes clickbait, so why would Louis C.K.?

I didn’t do much research for this.. .I just kinda went on a hunch.


This article was written by Stu Melton, a NYC comedian and creator of ACN. You can find him on twitter @tellsjokes.

The featured image is a photo taken by David Shankbone.

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