getting booked Mad Libs

Every comedian is trying to get booked these days, so it’s hard for us to stand out in the crowd. Getting booked is tough. But, if you just think a little differently, you can really capitalize on your colleagues’ lack of creativity and get yourself on more shows. Just fill out this sheet and stick it inside the notebooks of all your favorite comedy show producers and watch as the bookings start to roll in!

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a made up story about the time Bill Burr said i was an inspiration and then did completely consensual submissive mouth sex to me – Alex Ptak

People are going to say this story isn’t true, only because it is fake. They are going to say “Alex is just trying to be funny” or “Alex has a tumor in his brain that makes him lie to the public.” When you get right down to it, why can’t we both be right? Cannot a lie be the most true? Would that be crazy?

Yes.

Anyway, here is a fabrication where a comedy legend tells me I am great and then puts his damp mouth-barn around my squealing flesh-hog.
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photographs of the top 10 moments in podcasting history

Ever since podcasting first started catching hold in late 2004, the industry has been booming. In 2013 it was estimated that the number of subscribed listeners passed over 1 billion and there were over 250,000 unique podcasts out there for us to listen to and it has grown since.

Since podcasting is so based in audio, some of the biggest moments in podcasting history are merely remembered as disembodied voices. It’s not often we get a glimpse into the this audio world and to put a picture to these words.

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the 13.5 best “best of 2016” comedy lists of 2016

There are A LOT of “best of 2016” comedy lists out there – dozens and dozens of them. And with that many, how do you know who to trust? The “best” comedy books, the “best” comedy specials, the “best” podcasts.. .how are you supposed to figure out what’s really important: which lists are really the best “best of 2016” lists?

That’s why I’ve combed through all the 2016 comedy lists to name the top 13.5 best “best of 2016” comedy lists of 2016. This way you’ll know which lists are the most skillfully compiled, cleverest, and most worth your time. I’m not gonna lie: there was some tough competition out there this year. Only a select few made the cut, but what’s here is the cream of the crop. When it comes to comedy, this list is (quite literally) the best of the best!

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why puns are NOT funny, have NO place in comedy, and are generally PUNderwhelming

Like any good citizen of the world, I absolutely HATE puns. They’re the worst! Puns are polar-izing; some people love them, but others can’t bear them. I must admit, sometimes puns are written so beautifully that they are awe-ful. But, when it comes down to it, puns are deplorable and everyone should think so. The only people who like them are old wheelchair-bound vegetables; when it comes to puns, no one else will carrot all. Please humor me and just stop telling those puns!

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this is why Louis C.K. HATES clickbait

I mean, I’m guessing it’s pretty much the same reason why everybody hates clickbait?

There’s no content or anything with clickbait. It’s just to get clicks. Nobody likes clickbait, so why would Louis C.K.?

I didn’t do much research for this.. .I just kinda went on a hunch.


This article was written by Stu Melton, a NYC comedian and creator of ACN. You can find him on twitter @tellsjokes.

The featured image is a photo taken by David Shankbone.

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a complete history of stand up comedy in America

Jokes! Laughter! Buzz! Excitement!

These are just some of the words you might use to describe “stand up comedy.” But if you described stand up comedy that way, you’d be doing a horrible job. And that’s because you don’t know anything about comedy in America.

Much like jazz, stand up comedy is often viewed as one of the only truly “American” art forms. But, shamefully, a lot of people today (including comedians themselves) actually don’t know the true history of the art. The backstory of stand up is just as important as ever – as topics like “political correctness,” a constant theme throughout haha yesteryear, are super trendy right now. Subjects like transgender people are posh, a la mode, and other french words that mean “cool.” By looking backwards, comedians have an opportunity to “learn from our mistakes” .. .and all that stuff. Being informed about our past allows us to be more analytical when looking forward .. .I guess. Pretty much any cliche argument your friend Sharon uses to justify her degree in history will also apply to learning about the history of comedy.

Which is why I’ve done extensive research in order to pull together a highly, highly comprehensive history of this American institution, including facts that I guarantee you haven’t heard before. After all, how can we respect the art form of comedy today if we have no understanding of how we got here? (Wow, I snuck in another cliche!) Let’s take a dive into the “ocean” that is funniness in America, shall we? Let the waves of history wash over you. Lick the salty taste of history on your lips, smell the rich stand up in the fresh breeze, and.. .well, you get it.

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from comedians to bloggers everywhere: go to hell! (except for me, my blog is cool)

“Look, it’s just us [here]. Blogs.. .what a bunch of bullshit!” – Paul F. Tompkins, The Wolf Den Podcast

If you’re a person with a heartbeat, you can agree that blogs are the worst thing to ever happen to human society and that includes Adolf Hitler. Bloggers should happily kill themselves, knowing they are doing the world a favor! Okay, I’m exaggerating a little. However, like any good comedian, I hate everything that bloggers have ever done. I’ve never read something a blogger wrote and thought, “Wow, I’m glad I read that! I definitely don’t want to kill whoever wrote this!” Any Joe Shmoe can write a blog to boost his self-importance; all you need are fingers to type. Who gives a shit about what you say! Boooo! Get. A. Life. Right???

Us comedians thoroughly despise bloggers. And rightfully so! Comedians are the truth-tellers of our society. They aren’t afraid to call people out, especially those faceless, soulless “writers” of the web who have no purpose in life other than to shamelessly wrangle clicks at any cost. Comedians provide the world a fantastic service: they make people laugh! On the other hand, bloggers complain. Laughter is positive; complaining is purely negativity. Bloggers bring people together to hate on others gripe about the state of the world. Nothing could be fucking sadder. Who wants that?

Bloggers are a bunch of no-good, self-important nobodies who don’t matter! That’s a fact. But, you shouldn’t just accept that as truth; there are a ton of great reasons why comedians think bloggers should jump off a damn cliff. As far as I know, no one has taken the time to carefully, thoughtfully, and meticulously put these degenerates in their place until now. So, here they are. Here are all the reasons that comedians think bloggers are jerk off fuckbrains.

Oh and by the way, THIS blog is really cool, though.

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it looks like a freaking TORNADO hit!!!

Did one of your parents ever have a phrase they’d say when you made a huge mess in the house? Something like: “It looks like a PIG STYE in here?!”

I feel like everyone has a parent who says one of those phrases. My mom would always walk into a room and go: “Je-sus Christ! It looks like a freaking TORNADO hit!”

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being silly and being real: how writing comedy on the East and West coasts made me funnier

I’ve been thinking a lot about how my stand up has changed since I did comedy back in college on the West coast, so I wrote this thing about one of my old jokes that I ended up adapting after coming to New York City. Before I say anything else, I want to point out that my experience in comedy is limited. I did relatively minimal comedy before coming to New York and I’ve been here for just over half a year. So, in terms of the East/West differences I’m writing about, they only come from my limited personal experiences, which I suppose could have been different for anyone.

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